In Transition : Episode II

A blog on self-discovery and counting blessings.

Where Art Thou – The Jollier Thou? September 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 3:42 pm

Had a hectic *a fact which does not have to be repeated* week. Been working through the weekends. Supposed to cover the convocation ceremony this evening, but was told not to since we had already enough inputs for the bulletin.

Yeah. I was Lois Lane since last Wednesday. Covering events related to the convocation ceremony. Lois Lane with 7 months old bump. Not sexy.

Maybe it’s Monday, or maybe it’s the super-sedap nasi lemak that I had during brunch plus not having enough rest make me super sleepy this Monday evening.

So, I decided to visit my old blog here.

The decision to move to the current blog was mainly due to wanting to remain anonymous while at the same time able to vent, share, luah, lepas, whatever i want. That’s why I chose the url yg sangat tak mesra pengguna. I changed to wordpress cos I wanted to blog seriously, on more serious issues. Ye, terpengaruh dengan blog orang lain yg matang2 gitu.. bila baca boleh membuka minda dan jiwa.. mencetuskan anjakan paradigma, can move mountains etc.

Konon dah matang laaa. KONON. And also because I think I need a change.

Tapi hakikatnya, I have talent in mengarut. not mengarang. period.

Another thing I realised, when I compare my old blog with the current one.. i like the old one much much better!!! it’s more spontaneous. and it’s me!!! jolly me. the current one sounded so serious..depressed. warghhhh.. what is happening???

Pastu.. tak banyak gambar. mainly because, to me, wordpress agak leceh nk upload2 gambar ni. hampeh. konon nak up sket la guna wordpress. haha. konon.. kononnnnn…

see..sudah lari dari diri sendiri.

tambah lagi dengan kehadiran FB. lagi la malas nak update kan?? But i still love sharing my story you know.

Maybe, I will move to another blog again? Maybe..

Be less serious. Jolly and happy.

With the baby and all… sesuaikan kalau nak pindah rumah baru?? kan kan?? hehehe

 

Look, who’s wriggling? May 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 9:17 pm

I was  wheeled into the Gynae’s room and was greeted with, “Why are you bleeding? I just saw you 2 days ago and we don’t expect any problem. Do you *do the do* last night?? You ada jalan2 ke mana2 ke?”

And I answered, “I don’t know. NO! I was so nauseous yesterday I slept at 9.30. NO doing the do. no jalan2. nothing.”

Then the Gynae asked, “Are you crying?”

“I was!”

“Come. We do some scanning. Let me show you the baby is fine. Don’t worry. The baby is fine. Trust me.”

And he was right, the baby is doing fine. Swimming happily in my womb. Serta-merta meredakan kegusaran yang dialami.

“Dah. you can stop worrying now. See the baby is healthy,”

Senyum kambing di situ, sambil lap air mata.

The Gynae was a bit baffled on where the bleeding came. It has stopped once I reached the hospital. From the scan, he detected some bleeding near the placenta. “Can you stay in the ward?” the Gynae asked.

“Do I have any other choice?”, I asked back.

“I’m not to keen to send you home. I want to put you under observation for 2 days and complete bed rest.”

“Okay..”

Hubby came in not long after that *thanks hubby, terpaksa meninggalkan kerja and rushing all the way from S’pore* and he agreed to have me warded for 2 days.

Macam mana 2 hari boleh jadi 4 hari? On  Saturday, the day I’m supposed to be discharged, the Gynae wasn’t too happy with the bleeding. He said it’s still there, only that we can’t see it since it’s contained in the uterus. Maka, saya dianugerahkan 1-2 hari stay in the hospital. But before that, he did asked who is paying for my hospital stay *on our own*, do I have any insurance *yes, but not medical card. so my stay isn’t covered*, and please let him know if the cost is bothering us and he will find other ways.

Sesungguhnya saya hendak menangis mendengar kata2 dari seorang doctor yang begitu menjaga kebajikan pesakit.

Dan saya lagi nak menangis bila the Gynae let us hear our baby’s heartbeats. wahh.. u r really strong little one!

Jadi, stay lah saya for another night, but this time Hubby is accompanying me. Kebetulan katil sebelah takde patient, jadi dapatlah Hubby tido di situ. Terharu saya.

On Sunday *Doc ni serious tak cuti ke?* the Gynae gave us good news, he’s planing to discharged me. But first, he wanted to scan and check how it’s going on down there. The prospect of going home is making me happy… Really happy that the baby in my tummy was dancing!!Literally! Heehe. The Gynae was checking the uterus and the baby when we saw some movement there. At first it sort of kicking/stretching it’s leg. Then it wriggled it’s head and body. ahhh.. my baby is dancing!! hahah. What a happy sight. 🙂

The bleeding is still there. Tapi the Gynae kata it’s not getting any bigger. Just have a lot of rest and jgn buat kerja berat.

We went home, and as per Gynae’s instruction, complete bed rest for the rest of the week. Yeap, I’m on MC the whole week. I am confined to the lower part of my home. I should rest in bed most of the time, penat baring duduk, penat duduk baring balik. penat lagi..pandai2 la hiburkan diri. Yes, it can be tiring..and mundane.. but my main concern is this little one inside me.. so you just do whatever you gotta do right?

Please pray for the wellbeing of my little one, as well as the mommy. And thank you for doing so.

 

4 Days in the Hospital

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 11:07 am

We had a scare last week. A real scare.  My department had a meeting last Thursday morning. During the break, I got up from my chair and… when suddenly I felt some ‘swooshing’ down there. O’oh. My first thought was, “What was that???”. I rushed to the toilet and…

There was blood. I started to panic.

I had some bleeding before, but mostly it were old dried blood. Brownish or pinkish. The Gynae told me, if it’s old blood, it should be ok.. But if it’s blood..as in red and fresh… it’s not good.

It was red, and fresh blood. But I didn’t feel any pain down there. But there was blood.

OMG OMG OMG

I was in panic. The only thing I can think of, is… Ya Allah..let the baby be ok..let the baby be ok. I came out of the toilet and the first person I saw was my colleague Kak Zafa, who is pregnant too. I went up to her and told her what I saw and I broke down there and then. She consoled me, and asked for help from another colleague, En. F to drive us to the university’s clinic. Saya yang sedang panic ini boleh insist nak drive on my own all the way to my Gynae’s at Seri Alam.

They are God send.

At the clinic, the doctor scanned and said that the baby is still in there. Tapi dari mesin tahun tok kadok *maaflah, i’m so used to the mesin yg sangat advance at my Gynae”, that’s all the doc can say. Initially they wanted to refer me to GH, but I insisted.. no I begged.. please send me to my Gynae. And they did exactly that. After putting me on drip *sakitnya* they send me to my Gynae.. in the university’s ambulance.. all the way from Skudai to Seri Alam.

I had motion sickness throughout the journey. It was bumpy, and noisy. Yeah the siren was on. I was all alone, and all I could do was to recite Al-Fatihah over and over again.

To be continued…

 

A Note to Self April 21, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 3:06 pm

I was going through some old files and folders in my PC when I found this note written for my self.

********

I passed almost every test in my life. Except for the pregnancy test.

I was talking with my colleague over brunch. She has been married for 2 years, and like me, trying to conceive. After failing the pregnancy test over and over again, we have built an aversion towards the stick.

I’m telling you, nothing is as suspense as waiting for the two blue lines to appear. You went into the toilet with anticipation, high hopes (you tend to feel that way, no matter how hard u tried not to), all the positive vibes were with you.

But upon seeing the result, you would feel the opposite.

Sad and depressed.

Therefore, my new year resolution would be:

I won’t buy the stick but instead I would pray to Allah for the sign.

********

And I will keep praying for everything to be smooth, for my womb to be healthy and strong to protect the tiny embryo from any harm.

And try to think and stay positive at all times.

 

Baby Making Journey: The Result April 12, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 10:07 am

It’s still too early to say anything.

Scheduled for another round of urine test this Thursday.

Thanks for your prayer. And, please continue doing so.

p/s: You might have wonder about the previous posts on the topic gone missing. It’s there but for my keeping only, as I have marked it as private, as per DH instruction. 🙂

 

Baby Making Journey : Being IF March 26, 2010

We decided to change gynae. Well, it’s more to I decided to change gynae. Hubby just went along.

It was a hard decision for me to change gynae as Scorpion known to be loyal. Obvious proof would be, I’m married to the man whom I’ve dated since 12 years ago. I  am still wearing the same crocs which I wore to my honeymoon. No matter how haus the sole. I favour Coke over Pepsi. I only eat sardin cap ayam. Ok.. merapu.. tapi you get the point.

It took me a while to convince hubby about the change. Especially when he got to know the gynae I was planning to see is a male doctor. He was uncomfortable with the idea. Understandable la kan. But I was.. ermm.. desperate?The doc was recommended by my colleagues. And besides being an ob&gyn, he also specialised in IF.

IF.. Infertility. The word I dreaded the most to hear and to utter. But, that’s the fact.

Anyway, we went to see him last nite. Our appointment was set at 11pm. He is soooo famous that his clinic remains open until 11.00pm. Sometimes until 12midnite. And mind you, there are another couple after us. Sangat dedikasinye doktor itu kan?

When our turn came, kami masuk consultation room yang macam living room (sofa dia english garden style k, pandai dia main psycho make people feel at easy..see how can u not like him from the start?). His first word after greeting us… “What can I do for you?”.. wahhh… He was soft spoken, and.. get this.. when we told him we’re 3 months shy of our 2nd anniversary, dia pun berkata.. “Owhh.. baru je ni..still got time” . hahaha. Also I am able to tell him my medical history (the miscarriage, diagnosis, treatments I went through) without getting teary eyed dan suara tersekat2!! hahaha. and I remember to tell him everything, tidak rasa nervous..walaupun initially rasa gitu. Maybe because Hubby was there kot? Or maybe pasal doctor tu sikit lagi nak jadi psychiatrist. haha.

He was very thorough. He would take his time to explain satu persatu.. biarlah orang kat luar tu menunggu.. biarlah dia balik lambat. I told him that I’m currently on my 4th cycle of clomid. The latest one was 150mg/day. The doc agak terkejut, cos he said agak tinggi dosage tu.. u tak pening ka?? terharu ok sebab I pernah cerita my pening2ness and mualness to my previous gynae and guess what she said.. “it’s a psychosis.. sometimes when we want something too bad (get pregnant), we started to feel like it. ” Tapi apa yg saya dengar adalah – are you that desperate??

Jadi selepas berbual2 dan get to know session, proses scanning pun bermula. Since it’s already 14 days after my 1st day period, I am due for follicular scanning. After giving his review.. “oh, it’s a beautiful womb, it’s thick, it’s in a nice shape,” Seriously, I never felt any prouder of my womb before. hehe. He saw something what he hoped to be an egg, “This is a good size egg, etc etc”.  So he gave me a jab to my tummy. Suntikan yang paling TAK sakit. geli2 je ada. He injected me with lutenizing hormon, to trigger ovulation. Dia explain sambil jab. Maca mana kat wikipedia penerangannya tuh, macam gitu jugak lah dia terangkan. During that time, Hubby was seated on the sofa (yg english rose tuu), sambil tgk the scanned images on the tv in front of him. Bagus kan, secara tak langsung dia libatkan suami kita and at the same time make sure he’s at ease.

Men biasalah..benda gini pun nak cuak dan sipu2. ho ho.

Afterwards, dia pun memberi la nasihat2 dan apa2 yg patut ;). Antaranya adalah, dia kata saya patut ‘downsize’. hahaha. see, sgt menjaga perasaan tau doc ni sebab tak guna pun perkataan kena kuruskan badan, tapi downsize. hehehe. katanya for my height, my ideal weight should be 50kg. Horror!! When I was 50kg, Kakak cakap saya macam mancis!!! Tak kisahlah, maybe it’s time for me to lose some weight.   Pastu, the doc asked us to see him again next week. Yup, dia akan monitor saya every week, to understand and study my condition. Kerana setiap orang kes mereka adalah unik. Dan dia ada juga memberi beberapa ubat yg perlu di makan.. hmm..mmg sgt berlainan dgn gynae sebelum ini.

Betul kawan saya cakap, bila jumpa doktor ni, anda akan pulang dengan harapan.

Doakan kami semoga treatment kali ni berjaya. Amin.

 

Rindu Terubat February 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hubbsnmoi @ 5:09 pm

Rindu sedikit terubat bila melihat gambar2 Kakak di Aussie, Syiqah di US, Kak Noha, Abang, Nurin dan Irfan di KL.

Entah kenapa. Dalam kekalutan bekerja, diaudit, mengejar deadline.. hati ni terasa amaaaattt rindu kepada mereka semua.

Tapi masih bersedih sebab belum berjumpa Mak dan Baba yang baru tiba di JB. Tetapi saya di Kota Temasik pula! Isnin baru pulang ke JB, Mak dan Baba pula ke KL.

Rindu rindu rindu.

Nangis dah diaaa..