Yeah. I was Lois Lane since last Wednesday. Covering events related to the convocation ceremony. Lois Lane with 7 months old bump. Not sexy.

Maybe it’s Monday, or maybe it’s the super-sedap nasi lemak that I had during brunch plus not having enough rest make me super sleepy this Monday evening.

So, I decided to visit my old blog here.

The decision to move to the current blog was mainly due to wanting to remain anonymous while at the same time able to vent, share, luah, lepas, whatever i want. That’s why I chose the url yg sangat tak mesra pengguna. I changed to wordpress cos I wanted to blog seriously, on more serious issues. Ye, terpengaruh dengan blog orang lain yg matang2 gitu.. bila baca boleh membuka minda dan jiwa.. mencetuskan anjakan paradigma, can move mountains etc.

Konon dah matang laaa. KONON. And also because I think I need a change.

Tapi hakikatnya, I have talent in mengarut. not mengarang. period.

Another thing I realised, when I compare my old blog with the current one.. i like the old one much much better!!! it’s more spontaneous. and it’s me!!! jolly me. the current one sounded so serious..depressed. warghhhh.. what is happening???

Pastu.. tak banyak gambar. mainly because, to me, wordpress agak leceh nk upload2 gambar ni. hampeh. konon nak up sket la guna wordpress. haha. konon.. kononnnnn…

see..sudah lari dari diri sendiri.

tambah lagi dengan kehadiran FB. lagi la malas nak update kan?? But i still love sharing my story you know.

Maybe, I will move to another blog again? Maybe..

Be less serious. Jolly and happy.

With the baby and all… sesuaikan kalau nak pindah rumah baru?? kan kan?? hehehe

On a lighter and happier note – the Little One of course! On our last visit 4 weeks ago, the Gynae told us the baby is doing well. Only that the Mummy still has some bleeding in the uterus which can only be seen via ultrasound. The Gynae told us, it will vanish by next month. At times, Mummy would feel some aches like a muscle being pulled or stretched, but were told (from friends and books) it’s growing pains – Little One is growing, and my uterus is making room for it. Mummy being Mummy is very sensitive to any pain or aches down there – al maklumlah dari pengalaman yang lepas2. But Alhadmulillah, it’s getting lesser nowadays. I can walk faster than I normally do. hehe.

The Gynae did try to find out whether the Little One would be a he or a she. Truthfully, Mummy and Daddy don’t mind – as long as you’re healthy, kami sangat bersyukur. Jadi Mummy sangat bersedih sekiranya ada suara2 yg mengatakan – hopefully it’s a boy. Or firstborn dapat Boy bagus. Siapa lah Mummy nak tentukan gender yang keluar ini. Would my baby will be loved less if it’s a girl? To be able to conceive this Little One, and to feel the joy of pregnancy, Mummy sudah sangat bersyukur.Don’t worry Little One, whether you’re a boy or a girl, we will love you with all of our heart.

So, that’s why both of me and Hubby didn’t really feel the urge to know the gender.. cuma bagus kalau tahu lebih awal utk persediaan bila Little One lahir nanti.

And I already feel attached to it. Ada peluang, mesti nak gosok2 perut ni. Hubby pun tak lupa siang dan malam..ada kesempatan berbual2 dgn Little One. Sometimes, he would helped me applied the stretch mark cream, dgn gaya orang melenggang perut. haha. Kadangkala, he would make joke.. whispering at my tummy. When I asked him, “bual apa tu?”.. and he would say.. “Adalah..saya lagi komplot dgn junior.. awak tak leh tau.. ni rahsia.. nyeh nyeh nyeh”.

I can’t help but to smile and laugh. Oh yeah.. He made me smile and laugh a lot. Thanks Hubby. Even though I had a tough time at work, but you made me forgot all that. I love you even more.

Thank you for being my rock Hubby.

We are due for another check up tomorrow. More updates soon. See u!

Lack of updating could only mean one thing. My workload is up to here **pointing to the nose**  and I am frantically trying my best to stay calm and complete everything in time. It takes me nearly a month to catch up whatever I’ve missed out during my 2 ½ week of medical leave.

The past 2 weeks were very kind to me. Alhamdulillah, the nausea subsided. It’s more under control now. Less trip to the surau to lie down because of throbbing headaches. Less frequency in throwing up. But increase in appetite. Sangat increase. With more energy in me, I can concentrate much better while working in the office. Thank you Little One.

Tapi masuk je dalam kereta, lampu ultraman dah berkelip2 tukar oren. Sangat tak larat. Mujur Hubby or my dad still driving me to and fro work. Once reached home, melepek.. penat dan pengsan. Nak bergurau senda dgn Hubby atau kucing dua ekor tu pun setakat ketawa dua harkat je.. I semput you nak ketawa bahak-bahak.

We  also celebrated our second  anniversary. Hubby treated me to lunch at Manhattan Fish Market. We shared Seafood Chowder and Country Mushroom for appetizer, followed by Seafood Pasta (for me), and Flame Grilled Platter for Hubby. For dessert, it’s the smooth Vanilla Milkshake for Little One. Hehehe. And the best part was, I managed to keep everything down in my tummy for the whole day! Yay.. no throwing up expensive food!!!

So, what’s up with the Little One?

During our previous visit to the Gynae two weeks ago (Hubby was with me), I told him that Hubby had not see the Little One did it’s little dance in my womb. So the kind Gynae, mencuba sedaya upaya tried to capture a 4D image of our baby! Waaa.. it’s too early to know the gender but still he insisted on doing it.. nak show off la tu kat Hubby. Hehehe. Boleh tak dalam mencuba tu Gynae boleh buat remark (sambil eksen terkejut), “Eh dah besar baby awak!!”. Abuthennnn.. mak dia asik nak makan westernnn je. hehe

And knowing that Daddy was there, Little One really showed off some dancing skill. Hehe. Kecik2 dah pandai cairkan hati Mummy and Daddy Since, Little One isn’t that tiny anymore, we had to measure the diameter of the head, instead of the crown-to-rump length. Sorry, Mummy forgot how much you measure, sebab terlalu excited seeing your dance. Hehe. But when the Gynae tried to zoom in using his 4D scan, you hide your little head behind Mummy’s placenta.. Oh.. pemalu rupanya.. tak macam mak dia

Alhamdulillah, everything looked good. My womb is getting stronger. Not a trace of bleeding can be seen inside the uterus. The Little One has also moved up a little bit. Thus, Mummy is sporting a more prominent bump, which she likes to stroke most of the time!

But one thing I couldn’t understand, why there’s more hair on my tummy now?? Serious dah terbayang Lots-o-Huggin bear. Only I’m coffee latte colored instead of pink.

Our Little One is 12 weeks plus and measuring close to 6 cm! How time flies. Do you remember the day we saw the two (verrrry faint) blue lines? Yes, the line was very faint, and so we keep on hoping and praying that, let it be real this time.

The timing couldn’t be any more perfect. You were working on day shifts, so we get to spend every night and weekend together. We went to the Gynae together every week, and see how the Little One grew from one tiny bean  with a heartbeat inside a sac, to one hip hop foetus The Gynae congratulated you, he was as delighted as we were. As the Little One grew bigger, you were there (and K noha and Nurin were there too) to listen to its heartbeat. Whoop whoop whoop. The most beautiful sound I ever heard. How I wish I could see the reaction on your face. That would be priceless wouldn’t it?

Throughout the first trimester, you have been great. You became my personal cheerleader. hehe. You cheered for me when I could not eat, “Kesian baby dlm tu lapar..”, when I refused to drink milk, “Minum milk.. nanti tulang baby strong mcm saya”, and even when I vomited endlessly, “Baguslah muntah. Nausea is a good sign, there’s enough hormone for the baby inside you to grow.  Saya suka kalau awak muntah”. THANKS. After vomiting, I would started to cry from the pain and then you would rubbed my back and teased me, “You are strong… you are strong kan?? see, baby is strong inside.. chill. relax laaa.” And I couldn’t help but to smile, tears and all.

And during my stays in the hospital, you made two trips everyday (and the hospital isn’t near ok. 40mins drive). You slept at the next bed with me. Eat ta pau food yang tak sedap. Sangat tak terurus but you wouldn’t mind. Yang tak boleh lupa, you can continue eating even when I was throwing up next to you. Hoh. Cekal atau dah terlalu lapar??

But now, you have returned to your usual shift hour, and could not accompanied me for every visit. But it’s ok. The Gynae sangat bermurah hati memberi the ultrasound picture of our Little One after each visit. Seronok dapat tgk perkembangannya from one week to another.

Oh ye.. Lately you liked to tease me A LOT! Sometimes when I felt weak (most of the time just plain lazy) to move.. you would say, “Come on, don’t be lazy,” And I would protested to it by saying “I’m not lazy. I’m tired!!”. Then you would laugh at me, telling me that I am one cranky pregnant lady, to which I would protest, again. It used to be you who have the last word. Now, I have taken the spot. Either you have lost your skill or saja nak kasi peluang cranky pregnant lady menang?? hehe.  Little One, please don’t be like Mummy pandai menjawab-jawab. Mesti dengar kata dan patuh arahan ok?.

Sometimes I would complain you are either too smelly (even though you are B.O free) or too wangi.  Sometimes I felt rimas when you are snuggling  me “Tak suka..tak suka.. takmoh dekat2..geliii”, but at times it was me who is reaching out for you. But most of the time I would feel glad just to see you and have you by my side.

And with our anniversary looming near, I don’t have any plan..or do any preparation. But I do apply for two days leave. So that I can spend my day (throwing up) with you by my side.

Isn’t that lovely kan Hubby?

Love,

Wifey.

p/s: As of yesterday the bleeding inside the uterus seems to be getting lesser. Alhamdulillah

pp/s: why Jalur Lebar? My colleagues said i look wider (lebar) than before. hence the new nick name. thanks eh kawan2.

Today, I went to see The Gynae with Tok Aki. Daddy is away at work so he couldn’t accompany me. I still need to be driven around to go places as Nek Wan’s instruction. See, everyone is helping Mummy in taking care of you, my Little One. So you stay strong ok?

You know, I always look forward for my appointment as I will be seeing you, and your little dance in there. Alhamdulillah, today you are 10th week old. The Gynae said you are growing beautifully and healthily. You are now measuring 3.33cm. I think you were asleep as you weren’t dancing you usual dance. Only some movement, which Jac or Abu usually do when I disturb their sleep..hehe. You are strong Little One. I know you are. And I hope you will hang in there, ok?

Mummy now  has to see The Gynae every 4 days for hormonal injection. The injection is important as it will give additional support to my uterus, to make it stronger. It will continue until you reached 12 weeks old. My next appointment would be on Friday. It will be a public holiday and the clinic won’t be open, but the kind Gynae still want to proceed with the appointment. He asked me to text/call him personally when I reached the hospital. Mummy is blessed to be under The Gynae’s care. Alhamdulillah.

There’s still some bleeding inside. But The Gynae said it’s healing. That’s good news. Let’s hope and pray that the bleeding will completely disappear by your 12th week. As Daddy said to you, “Kick the bleeding away Little One!”.

You know, my weight drops a kg since my last weigh in a month ago. The Gynae didn’t comment anything so it should be ok. (Anyway, I started off being a little bit overweight. hahahaha.) It’s expected anyway since I can’t hold down much food. I’m eating like a hamster. Constantly nibbling, but can’t  take big meals. But since you’re growing, it shows that you do get enough nutrition from me.

Anyway, was it you who sent me a sign through my dream last night? In my dream, I was enjoying Nasi Ayam Ojolali. I never eaten there in my whole life my dear and I wasn’t sure it existed until I Googled it. There IS an Indonesian restaurant in Singapore called Ayam Bakar Ojolali. Do you want that Little One? I will let Daddy know ok. *Jangan lepas ni mimpi makan burger unta sudah laaaaa*

Till then Little One. Insyallah I will see you in 4 days time. Take care and be strong k? And while you are in there, do follow Daddy’s advice and kick or blow the bleeding away.

Lots of love,

Mummy

And I answered, “I don’t know. NO! I was so nauseous yesterday I slept at 9.30. NO doing the do. no jalan2. nothing.”

Then the Gynae asked, “Are you crying?”

“I was!”

“Come. We do some scanning. Let me show you the baby is fine. Don’t worry. The baby is fine. Trust me.”

And he was right, the baby is doing fine. Swimming happily in my womb. Serta-merta meredakan kegusaran yang dialami.

“Dah. you can stop worrying now. See the baby is healthy,”

Senyum kambing di situ, sambil lap air mata.

The Gynae was a bit baffled on where the bleeding came. It has stopped once I reached the hospital. From the scan, he detected some bleeding near the placenta. “Can you stay in the ward?” the Gynae asked.

“Do I have any other choice?”, I asked back.

“I’m not to keen to send you home. I want to put you under observation for 2 days and complete bed rest.”

“Okay..”

Hubby came in not long after that *thanks hubby, terpaksa meninggalkan kerja and rushing all the way from S’pore* and he agreed to have me warded for 2 days.

Macam mana 2 hari boleh jadi 4 hari? On  Saturday, the day I’m supposed to be discharged, the Gynae wasn’t too happy with the bleeding. He said it’s still there, only that we can’t see it since it’s contained in the uterus. Maka, saya dianugerahkan 1-2 hari stay in the hospital. But before that, he did asked who is paying for my hospital stay *on our own*, do I have any insurance *yes, but not medical card. so my stay isn’t covered*, and please let him know if the cost is bothering us and he will find other ways.

Sesungguhnya saya hendak menangis mendengar kata2 dari seorang doctor yang begitu menjaga kebajikan pesakit.

Dan saya lagi nak menangis bila the Gynae let us hear our baby’s heartbeats. wahh.. u r really strong little one!

Jadi, stay lah saya for another night, but this time Hubby is accompanying me. Kebetulan katil sebelah takde patient, jadi dapatlah Hubby tido di situ. Terharu saya.

On Sunday *Doc ni serious tak cuti ke?* the Gynae gave us good news, he’s planing to discharged me. But first, he wanted to scan and check how it’s going on down there. The prospect of going home is making me happy… Really happy that the baby in my tummy was dancing!!Literally! Heehe. The Gynae was checking the uterus and the baby when we saw some movement there. At first it sort of kicking/stretching it’s leg. Then it wriggled it’s head and body. ahhh.. my baby is dancing!! hahah. What a happy sight.

The bleeding is still there. Tapi the Gynae kata it’s not getting any bigger. Just have a lot of rest and jgn buat kerja berat.

We went home, and as per Gynae’s instruction, complete bed rest for the rest of the week. Yeap, I’m on MC the whole week. I am confined to the lower part of my home. I should rest in bed most of the time, penat baring duduk, penat duduk baring balik. penat lagi..pandai2 la hiburkan diri. Yes, it can be tiring..and mundane.. but my main concern is this little one inside me.. so you just do whatever you gotta do right?

Please pray for the wellbeing of my little one, as well as the mommy. And thank you for doing so.

There was blood. I started to panic.

I had some bleeding before, but mostly it were old dried blood. Brownish or pinkish. The Gynae told me, if it’s old blood, it should be ok.. But if it’s blood..as in red and fresh… it’s not good.

It was red, and fresh blood. But I didn’t feel any pain down there. But there was blood.

OMG OMG OMG

I was in panic. The only thing I can think of, is… Ya Allah..let the baby be ok..let the baby be ok. I came out of the toilet and the first person I saw was my colleague Kak Zafa, who is pregnant too. I went up to her and told her what I saw and I broke down there and then. She consoled me, and asked for help from another colleague, En. F to drive us to the university’s clinic. Saya yang sedang panic ini boleh insist nak drive on my own all the way to my Gynae’s at Seri Alam.

They are God send.

At the clinic, the doctor scanned and said that the baby is still in there. Tapi dari mesin tahun tok kadok *maaflah, i’m so used to the mesin yg sangat advance at my Gynae”, that’s all the doc can say. Initially they wanted to refer me to GH, but I insisted.. no I begged.. please send me to my Gynae. And they did exactly that. After putting me on drip *sakitnya* they send me to my Gynae.. in the university’s ambulance.. all the way from Skudai to Seri Alam.

I had motion sickness throughout the journey. It was bumpy, and noisy. Yeah the siren was on. I was all alone, and all I could do was to recite Al-Fatihah over and over again.

To be continued…

Such as this song, which I watched yesterday, over and over again. With tears trickling down the cheeks and laughing at myself for doing so over such song. (Four days of sick leave, really leaves you with nothing better to do. heh)

*little one, please don’t follow mummy’s weepiness, okay?*

Let’s go to the list of changes I’m going through or have gone through. *Note: According to Murkoff, Eisenberg & Hathaway (2002) these changes are normal during pregnancy, but may differ from one person to another.

1. Tightness of clothing around waist and breasts -Even though, I am not ‘showing’ yet, but putting on jeans, pants and kain will make me queasy as they are becoming more snug. It’s either I have to wear it reallllllyy low (thank you punggung warisan) or realllllllyy high, right under the ribs. Oh, and yeah, am having no problem at all filling in my bra. That, I have no complaint.

2. Occasional headaches – the headaches are more pronounce now especially during my 4 days sick leave. I’m not really sure if it is cause by being trapped inside the house spending most of the time either sleeping, surfing the Internet or watching the tv. It might be from the heat too. It usually starts around 2pm and will lasts till Hubby reach homes 8pm. Hormones or just plain mengada-ngada? Hahaha

3. Nausea, with or without vomiting – Alhamdulillah, so far I have no morning sickness BUT evening sickness. Sometimes it comes along with the headaches. Peak hour is from 5pm till Hubby comes home 8pm.  Among the main culprit that would trigger the queasiness are the smell of cooking oil being heated, or anything being fried. Thank god for Vicks.

4. Food cravings and aversion – so far, no cravings. But I love sweet things. Right now I am imagining, I’m savouring a huge slice of Secret Recipe’s Banana Chocolate Cake. Aduh… Ok stop. I can eat pretty much everything, but not too much. Everything must be in small portions. Moderation is the key. I would tend to throw up if I have too much of these – curry (the last time I ate keema and chapati, I threw up the whole thing. darn. it’s my favourite!), fried foods and anything with santan in it. I pretty much steer clear of seafood, and also sour or spicy food (as per Hubby instruction). Oh, Hubby forced me to I drink milk 2 times per day now, walaupun sebelum minum tu kena termenung lamaaaa dan tarik nafas panjang. As a result I have become …

5. A flatulence machine – atau kentut machine. Between me and Hubby, he used to do more kentuting than me, but now it’s the other way round. Thanks milk.

6. Fatigue – this was more pronounce between 5th-7th week. Only 9pm, and I am off to lala land. But this week, I can stay awake until pass 10.30pm. Well, maybe because I am on sick leave, and can afford to have that extra snooze during the day. We’ll see next week.

That’s it for now. I am just listing out the changes I’m going through, to share. and not to complain. As I told my younger sister, “If this is what it takes to have the baby, bring it on!”. Not being cocky, but all these have its reward in the end. Sometimes, the hardships that we went through to achieve what we really want, makes the achievement much much much sweeter and worth it. Oh, and by the way, the bleeding has subside. Alhamdulillah. All clear now. Keep the prayers for mummy and little one coming.

In my last post, it was stated that I was to visit the doctor every Thursday. But we decided to see him earlier this week, which was yesterday as I’ve been bleeding on/off since the weekend.

During the previous week scan, the Doctor has noted some bleeding in the uterus, which he said nothing to worry about. That’s among the reason I need the jab for extra  support as well as daily dosage of dydrogesterone (or Duphaston which need to be taken orally 3 times per day). But the bleeding that I had on Saturday and Sunday were different – in color. It was more darker, more brownish than pinkish. Alarm di kepala sudah set off.

So, strict order from Hubby. I must be off my feet most of the time and think happy thoughts. Hehe. We’ll see whether it would subside in 2 days. I was to take Urgent Leave from work on Monday and rest in bed.

Monday came, and the bleeding was still there, though lighter in color. Hati sudah gundah gulana. Hubby sudah tidak boleh fokus di  tempat kerja. It was decided, must see the Doc on Tuesday, first thing in the morning.

Off we went to see the Doc. After telling him the problem, he scanned me *from the other end* and that was the longest scanning session E.V.E.R.

Good news – yes, there were some bleeding, nothing major and it’s only dried blood. He had other patients who had major bleeding, and still continuing her pregnancy. As long as there is no fresh, bright red blood coming out, accompanied by contraction or throbbing pain, I will be ok. Don’t worry he said, think positive and have a lot of rest. Yup, that’s the reason for 1 week sick leave.

Better news – while being prodded *down there*, he showed me what was supposed to be a tiny…reallllly tiny heart beat fluttering inside me. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Alhamdulillah. You be strong little one!! Hope to see stronger and more visible heartbeat on our next visit.

After giving me the usual jab, we will have to see him next Tuesday, instead of Thursday. We felt much better after seeing the Doc. Segala worry dan concern telah diluahkan dan telah pun dijawab. I guess, it’s OKAY to be paranoid or neurotic when being pregnant as we never experience this before. Just follow your instinct and the moment you feel different, straight to the doc walaupun sebenarnye takde ape2. better be safe than sorry kan?

Thanks Doc for the assurance, and thanks Hubby for accompanying me (and lose some sleep, worrying about me )

Keep the prayers coming. And thank you for doing so.

*Hugs*

We knew about the pregnancy about 2 weeks ago, from my 1st urine test result. The positive result wasn’t strong so the doctor scheduled for another test the following week. Tapi disebabkan anxious, Hubby and I decided to do another one on our own about 3 days after. Again, a faint line did appear. It was really funny. Us trying to get a good look at the result.  “Pregnant ke? nampak tak line tu?”. Squint some more. “Nampak tu.. pregnant kot?”. Duduk bawak lampu pulak. “Haa..sini jelas sikit. Tapi tak pekat pulak line dia”.

Jadi, tunggulah apa doctor kata minggu seterusnya.

On the 5th week, the two blue lines appeared on the stick. Two biru pekat. Syukur ya Allah.

Last week was the 6th week, and the doctor showed us the gestational sac formed inside the uterus. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Initially, I was in a dilemma, whether to announce it this early. The first trimester is a very fragile and delicate stage. But I go ahead anyway (since my blog isn’t being read by THAT many people pon). The reason being, we hope that more people would pray for us, for me and the baby. Please keep on praying, and thank you for doing so.

Now, we will have to visit the gynae every Thursday so he could monitor the fetus growth and progress closely. Also he would administer a jab on my hip (thank god for the fat tissues! haha) every week until the 11th to make my womb stronger.

Thank you ya Allah. Thank you for your prayers.

I’ll see you soon with more good news. Insyallah.